Stress
Normal people's source of stress : School , Work , Things which are supposed to be done not done etc etc
My source of stress : Family .
Actually , school work is nothing to me . I've been stressed all my school life , but nothing can bring me down . The most I cry because the stress is overwhelming and I get over it . But this stress given from my family really sucks . I don't know what's stressing me out so much , but it's the pressure they placed on me .
I'm so afraid to be home . Last night was the worst night ever . Never sat at the corner of the void deck and cried for an hour before . Or I should say , I never even done that before . But it's the pressure my dad placed on me , the distrust he shows me even though he says he trusts me , that made me broke down into tears .
Why can't he just understand that life is really damn busy ? Sometimes , I think that a life of a JC student is like x293847341 busier than an adult's life . JC students' life can be tedious , tiring and hectic , but we pull through all this shit . People who have never been through a JC life before shouldn't judge us because they have no rights to .
Haven't you ever been too tired that you just fell asleep while doing your work ?
Haven't you ever been so freaking tired that no matter how many time your alarm rings , how many time your phone rings or how many time an sms comes in , you still can't be woken up ?
That was just how I felt . And even after explaining , I don't think you understand . So what's the point of saying these things ? You shouldn't even have asked in the first place if you already chose to not believe whatever I was going to say .
I'm afraid , afraid of going home . I really don't like being at home when my parents are around . There's always an uncertainty that they'll just burst out and scold me for no good reason . I'm afraid , just afraid .
Last night , after a long talk with boyf , I was convinced to go home to sleep . When I reached home , I was just so scared that something would happen to me . I hate coming home . When I went to bed , it was already 3am . My eyelids were so damn heavy , but I was afraid to sleep . I feel like this house is like a war field . I'll get bombed or assassinated anytime . This is the feeling that I'm getting from a place , supposedly called home .
Little kids have things to keep them secure , like a security jacket or so . I'm already 17 , and I can't believe that what I need is my security blanket . It's like when I'm under the covers , I feel really safe because no one can reach me , no one can touch me .
No words now can describe my feelings totally , not even a song . I can't even find the right words to write a song . I really don't know how long I can hold on to this chain of shit that's happening . I've got nowhere to rant or express my feelings because I don't know how to . I can't talk because I don't feel like opening my mouth . I only know I just feel like dying .
Ktnxbai .